**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
