The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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