she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
