i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
