you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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