Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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