I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
