Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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