every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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