We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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