end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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