Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't deserve a penis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My ass is underappreciated
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
