I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
