you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
