she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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