No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
