I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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