She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
