woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
