singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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