Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
