she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
