sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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