Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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