can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
