she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
