When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
