I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
