no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
