I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
