Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
