Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
