no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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