So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
