i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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