We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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