i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
