When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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