I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize