Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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