So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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