my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
