She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
