i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is the high leading the old right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
