I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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