you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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