One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
