Betty ford says i'm here all night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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