haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i will never coherently bang her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
