There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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