my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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