we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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