someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize