he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
