i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
