You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
