@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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