i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
