When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
