the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
