The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
