Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
