Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
