I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
