My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
