Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
