you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
