i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
