2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
