I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
