he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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