so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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