How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
