look no pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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