I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
