What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
