I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
