lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
