Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
