I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
