good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize