I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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