Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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