you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
