party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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