I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
