CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
