I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
