wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
