Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
