I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
