Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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