i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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