I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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