Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
