You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
